It’s tempting to think of our personalities as fixed – “We are who we are”. I used to believe this, and as a teenager was determined that this was true regardless of external influences (contrary to what my parents would tell me).

The truth is, while we may be able to resist them, external influences matter a lot. Who and what we spend time with affect us deeply. This can be a great thing, when those people and activities are intentionally curated. We are capable of change and our nature and circumstances may even demand it.

As a father today I don’t want to be the same person I was as a teenager, and I’m not. Five years from now I don’t want to be the same either. I want to continually learn and grow and improve, and be an example to my kids to do the same. I want to earn more success, lead a bigger life, have a greater impact, and experience greater peace.

I do believe it’s important to be the same person with different people. Your language might change to fit the context but your values should not. I once heard a sermon on “wearing masks” at a church camp when I was a teenager that resonated and stuck with me. It’s easy to fall into being one person with your parents, one person with your school friends, one person with your work friends… and fall out of alignment. It doesn’t serve our nature to attempt to be different people at one time. Our purpose and joy will only come when we are fully integrated. When our internal beliefs match our external actions.

Don’t be afraid to evolve and grow. Stay true to your core beliefs but never stop growing and believing that it’s worth pushing to the next, better version of yourself. Your family and friends need that version. They’re counting on and waiting to meet them.